FAMILY

As I reminisce on my stay in Kigali, I am reminded of the meaning of family. The truth is, I tend to clash with grandma because, she is used to a different parenting mode and I am not used to following orders. (Dad is the coolest parent in all of East Africa.) But it doesn’t matter. Simulateously some in my family have endured mental health difficulties that have made them act out of character. But it doesn’t matter. Additionally, the less successful in my family may experience feelings of jealousy against the most successful; while the most successful may be tempted to think they are gods on earth. But it doesn’t matter. The well meaning older sibling may appear overbearing while the free-spirited younger siblings may appear bratty and ungrateful. But it doesn’t matter.

Really, none of this matters. We are all flawed humans who are called to love and forgive without counting. Rejoice with those who rejoice; cry with those who cry. (The pickle happens when for example you are having difficulties conceiving and watch a family member give birth to a 4th child; celebrate them still. In due time, God will even every crooked path)

In my family, when one is down, we all galvanize to lift them up. I recall after my marital troubles, dad spoke on starting a non-profit to mentor young ambitious women manage marriage without losing themselves. And after another family member battled mental health issues, dad became a bit of an advocate about the de-stigmatization of mental health in Africa.

What is fascinating is dad did not have an easy childhood. It was marked with extreme poverty and lack of affection as very strict parenting was the custom. However, he managed to recalibrate the family. Today, no one calls the other by name. It’s always, darling daughter, papa chéri, tonton chéri, bestie, mukobwa mwiza etc. Plus, now, grandma does not allow anyone to leave the house without a kiss. I share this to say, loving, nurturing families do not fall from the sky. They are intentionally forged by one change agent. Are you your family’s change agent?

(PS: My thoughts are with those whose original families are no longer with us or whose existing families present an impossibility. I encourage you to forge a new bonus family in trusted friends, trusted church members, etc. God is faithful and he will restore your joy.)

It is well.

XOXO