Rolls Royce

My dear friend invited me to a sort of double date situation. Nobody termed it as that but I took the liberty to since we were 2 single women lunching with 2 single men. My friend is a boss herself so I should have known… The men were very respectful (a stark contrast from last week’s bush man— see previous blog). The conversation ranged from politics, to business, to culture, to Africa. We eventually reached the topic of relationships. They shared their struggles from a man’s perspective and I legit felt bad. We always hear the narrative that “men ain’t sh**” (a narrative that isn’t completely unfounded) but rarely do we get a glimpse of men’s reality. Here is their reality: they have been raised to be men like their fathers but now the market is shifting and demanding they shift with it, and pronto! That requires serious re-programming. The alternative being equally difficult. Pick a woman, pay whatever she wants but be ready that when the money dwindles, you will suffer.
In my sympathizing, I opened up as well. Told them I didn’t think marriage as is, is beneficial for an ambitious african woman but that it is a cross I must still bear since I want my children born within wedlock… We eventually moved on to other topics. It was a pleasant afternoon. Only for me to get in the parking lot and see the man drives a Rolls Royce. & Everything made sense…

(I remembered how, at one point during lunch, a man came to greet them and bowed. I was surprised because they were in their early 40s so asked “I thought the practice was only done for elders?” They laughed and changed the topics…. (Turns out, it is also done for Odugwos… “Strong Men”))

In any case, had I known, I was dealing with Odugwos, I would have sold myself better. (1) I would have first refused to make eye contact, as if to exhibit virgin-like shyness. (2)Then I would have casually mentioned my being appalled at African women in the West “losing” their values. (As if equality is an American import…). (3) More importantly, I would have spoken in a whisper the whole time and thrown in keywords they love, like peace, respect, jollof, sex (O wait, I am a virgin)…

Alas, I saw the Rolls Royce too late…