WHAT IS IT?

Lest you accuse me of only talking about love, let the record reflect, I’ve addressed other topics in my two most recent editions. But now, what do you want me to discuss, constellations and orbits? I beg, spare me. What I really want to know is, where does the discomfort many of you have around single women eminate from?

What I mean is, in the past couple of months, people have taken the initiative to hook me up a couple times. One person even tried to connect me with their baby brother, my junior of 5 years. I appreciate the thoughtfulness because it means you must hold me in high regard and that is not by might but by the grace of God. Plus, please don’t get me wrong, I love love and will in fact re-marry “au moment propice” (at the opportune time). BUT love isn’t provoked, it isn’t manufactured, it is magic between two souls. Can happen tomorrow morning or take another two years. Love isn’t to be rushed or slowed down. When it happens, it happens.

Dearest reader, I am well aware that you may have the impression that I jump from lover to lover lately, but that would not be a full assessment of the truth. Truth is (1) Others live their dating life behind closed doors. I have decided to share my dating journey post-divorce with the public to de-stigmatize divorce especially within African communties. (2) God gave me the capacity to get along with everyone and genuinely care for everyone. I often mistaken this affection for love, that’s my bad, oops … (3) I never entertain suitors past expiration date. When I sense an incompatibility or a decreased lack of interest, I gently but quickly clarify things so as to not waste anyone’s time and I move on to considering other résumés… I do realize that rejecting a number of suitors can make a woman look difficult. But, unless I feel fire burning through my veins at the sight of a man, I will keep sorting and assorting . Does this mean I’ve become a diva? Possibly. Am I ashamed. Never. I embrace every step of my womanhood journey.

In the meantime though, I wish to pose this question. What is it about a single woman that creates discomfort? Why do y’all want to place us in a marriage so bad? Is it that you think we will snatch your men? Abomination. God forbid. Is it that you pity us and wish to force your “help” down our throats? Better yet, is it that you’re tired of doing laundry for the men in your family? What exactly is the motivating factor?