BUTTOCKS

Turns out, buttocks are a HUGE commodity in America. Rwandan culture is so close-lipped, I never heard anyone comment on someone’s behind back home. So I never realized it was that deep. I have since discovered there is a wave of posterior obsession here and I’m not necessarily displeased…

There are of course exceptions, but I will place men in two categories, based on my observation of society. Category 1: It appears African men when they are ready to settle, look for a non-union employee. Factors they consider are: “Does she cook well and plenty? Is she strong/young enough to run after, say 8 toddlers? Can she care for my elderly parents?…” They approach marriage a bit like how my dad approaches business, constantly looking for the cheapest most effective labor force. Phillipines, China etc. In Sum, just work & drop.

Parralely, Men in Category 2, mostly found in Atlanta. It appears they don’t want much, just BUTTS. It is as if they marry so that they won’t have to outsource sex on the daily. (Irony being they end up outsourcing it anyway because they get bored.) I don’t even blame them, having to approach a girl in a random grocery store, ask her number, watch her pretend she is uninterested, insist without begging so she doesn’t call the cops. Then once you start talking, you are to pretend you care about the color of her nails, take her on dates and thank your stars if she does not bring her friends, etc. IT’S A LOT! who can spend a lifetime playing these games? I beg. So men in Atlanta’s logic appears to be: “Ok, if I marry, every night, she will perform all the gymnastics I’ve seen paid actors in adult films do. Wait, but I want a good girl because if she knows too much, it will be suspicious. It’s ok. I’ll teach her. She better learn quickly though, I ain’t got time.” Basically, this latter category just wants a sex doll. They are even willing to pay. Just don’t talk about emotions too long…

Which of the lesser evils would you rather? Me, I don’t do labor & sweat so I think I’d rather be objectified. The day I tire, we will just have to stare at each other. In conclusion, these theoritical principles can get confusing. Here is a simple Gentleman Test, indulge me my brothers, please. Would you want your sister to marry a “you”? If Yes, Congras, we love you. If No? We love you still but please do better. In the words of my forever president, “yes we can!”