SAFE SEX

Sensible souls, forgive me as I frustrate your spirit. Sex is a MEGA taboo in Rwandan culture. It isn’t something you talk about. It is something you figure out as you go. How terribly dangerous…

In 1 week I will be 33. I have never been on birth control. I am ultra weary of pharmaceuticals. Yet, by the grace of God, I have never been confronted with the impossible decision of abortion either. What’s my secret? Well for one, as soon as we turned 12 or so, dad would pray for us every Saturday and give incredibly simple relevant instructions. He’d say “My daughters. I love you and I cannot misguide you. A boy and a girl will mess up together, only the girl will suffer for it. Please do not get pregnant before its time. Babies cry a lot. You will accomplish nothing.” This stuck with me! I CANNOT disappoint my father.

I’ve seen different models over the years. There is the ultra-conservative pentecostal approach of, just get married ASAP. Age 19. Before your body is too hot to manage. This way you will not fall into temptation. The logic is understable but nah. Hard pass.There is the Western approach of. Do you. Do them. Do everybody. Lack of self-control ain’t sexy. So, Nah. Another pass.

Dad’s approach is the best I’ve seen. He kept it as real as possible. Going as far as sharing mistakes in his own youth. Which is a RARE vulnerability in African parents. Mugenga, Tuguhaye Inka!

So what’s my secret in practical terms? Ideally one should safeguard their body as long as feasible. There was a time I even wore a purity ring. I don try… The raw reality is, as you get older, temptations increase. You musn’t be blind to this reality. You must have strategies to confront it. These are my strategies.

1. Rule 101. Keep your bedroom activities confined to 1 or as few intimate partners as possible. Do not just vet the package. Vet the brain, ensure this is a matured frontal lobe situation. This is crucial for in the absolute worse case scenario things could backfire and boom, you’re preggo.
2. Never get intimate with a partner without having them get tested. Absolute least they could do before sharing bodily fluids…
3. Use protection. Condoms are free in every clinic & community center in America. Heck, I’ll even mail you some if needed.
4. Worse case scenario: an accident occurs, because shit happens, run for a plan b pill. Most effective within 24hrs. Costs $50. Sis, if ever in a crazy situation and the bum you laid next to can’t assist. DM I’ll pay it. (Don’t scam me, I have a fabulous gift of making scammers pay.)