War on Men: Ceasefire.

It is 3a, creative peak hour. Today- I wish to declare a complete and total ceasefire against the male specie!

I grew up more sheltered than people realize. I never had a boyfriend in High School. I spent the bulk of my teens & early twenties in school, in church or at home listenning to dad’s eccentricly exciting monologues. There was a time for example, he enrolled us in a Belgian school so he instituted a funny rule where the summer prior, to help us practice, he’d only respond when we formulated the sentence in French. There was a time he wanted to institute Rwandan values so he took us around the country showing us historical artifacts such as Urutare rwa Kamegeri in Ruhanga and we even drove to Kibuye to watch cows swim. Once he came home saying “today I will scientifically prove to you people that age is an illusion.”

Nothing though, nothing could set him off like the Pentecostal African Church. He’d say, “Chouchou, name a church in Rwanda I did not attend. I know them all darling. I am a mathematician, I cannot say EVERY one of them is sham but the probability is very high. They preach love with their tongues but they carry murder in their hearts! I will still drive you to choir practice, don’t worry. I thank God my children love to pray, it’s safer this way. I’ve always told you- girls must be MORE careful than boys. Both can mess up together but only one stomach will reveal the sins… (making allusion to unplanned pregnancy.)”

Lastly, dad loved taking us to his father’s village to expose us to social inequalities. We’d see elders walking BAREFOOT and he’d say “never suppose yourself better than anyone, in fact, consider yourself the least, as the Bible instructs.” People often comment on what a kind human I’ve become. It’s no credit to me. I owe every fiber of my being to Mugenga. (Though he’d correct me and say “To God”)

Understand me not, I was FAR from being a good girl. I challenged everything and everyone. Dad welcomed it, he considered it a fascinating intellectual exercise. He’d say “God has entrusted me with you and your sisters but just because I am older and arguable wiser does not make me beyond reproach, I welcome any grievance you may have, if of course you can prove your case.” (*Insert a Loud Dad Laugh*) I thought this is how everyone functionned. In a fair, balanced, reasoned, kind way.

I started going on dates in College in America. First real boyfriend age 24. Law School age 27. Bride price paid age 29. Exited the matter age 30. Quickly learned dad is a rare specimen. Most humans are irrational, unkind and consumed by, as the French say, (for it seems dad’s weird language tactics worked) “Folie de Grandeurs” (Megalomania)…

In response, most women quell and auto-suppress. I wrote a lot encouraging my sisters to be free, bold, loud and never attach their destiny to any one mere mortal. For we came alone and we will leave alone… In the process, women started opening up to me. They shared testimonials of their men behaving as beasts. Financial Abuse. Sextortion. Domestic Violence…What have we not heard? Don’t get me started on infidelity. The infidelity of the African men has become like common drinking of water. So, naturally, I was enraged on behalf of all women.

BBC, CNN, AlJazeera did not help! Now, as we e-speak, Talibans took over Aghanistan and girls can’t go to school past 6 grade. History did not help either. Did you know women could not own a credit card until 1974? (Younger than most Atlanta sugar daddies.) So I fucking lost it and declared a WAR ON MEN!

I screamed my (very justified) outrage. I sensitized young girls. I joined organizations. I read books. While battling the male specie though, something happened, I met some incredible men. Like a dear friend who shared how he paid all his nieces University fees back home so they wouldn’t be forced to marry at 19. Others had a physical revulsion at the idea of raising hand on a woman.

So, therefore, after nearly three years of intense combat, in the name of every respectable man I have met along the way and in the name of the distinguished gentleman I will marry, whose seed I will carry; I wish to declare a complete & ceasefire on the male specie. Not only because it is not I Chouchou des Grands Lacs who will regulate the world but also because, let’s be real: Sh***’s exhausting. The abusers are not stopping and the abused are not leaving, so yea- Im TIYAD & my work here is done. I tried. I wish to tackle other, more manageable ills of society for the time being. I hope I inspired some good…

One Love,