In Re Chivido “Stone me Not”

I wish to preface my message by saying Impundu Impundu! (Exclamations of well wishes for newly wedded couple.) It is not about them per se. They have simply ushered us into a larger conversation that is: “African men misbehave because African women do not hold them accountable”. I do realize I am a badly-positioned vessel for this message. People may mistakenly assume it is coming from a bitter place considering my current marital status. However, those who know me will know God has blessed me with a clean heart that does not jealous their neighbor. I know God is fair and we will all get our piece of the pie. I often rejoice with those rejoicing and mourn with those mourning. Here though. I must pause.

You may wonder, am I not worried about the controversial nature of my messaging? Nah. Group think and peer pressure have zero effect on me. I am not in the business of jumping because everyone says jumps. I analyze facts as I see them. Readers are free to agree or disagree, in mutual respect always.

Please also note, I am not writing from a judgmental stance. God knows I was stupid in love in my twenties. Still, there comes a time in the evolution of a woman when she must learn to impose herself.

Let us begin by posing the question. If a woman chooses to bear the cross of a never ending thorny relationship, can we object? I am afraid not. (Not unless she is your family member.) These things are very delicate. Some women, for reasons best known to them, have truly resigned themselves. Especially when children are involved. I cannot judge them. Rather, I send them my love. Nonetheless, I write to plead with society to stop praising struggle love!

This is not the first time. Last year, Cameroonian influencer, Madame Coco Emilia was institutionalized following a mental breakdown after her husband, aside from lying on his wealth, fathered children outside. We cried with her and when her tears dried, she returned to him; only for his misbehaving to worsen. We have even seen this in the church. Some pastors have the audacity to cheat and then stand on the holy altar of God to praise their wives for forgiving them. Do not mistaken their praise for genuine appreciation, the compliments are often a malicious way to blind the woman so she can remain docile (in preparation for future sins.) Sure, to err is human, but is forgiving the same issue, once, twice, thrice character OR lack thereof?

Isn’t it ironic we laugh at western open marriages (which are admitedly a bit strange in my eyes too) But STRANGER, are some of these behaviors we tolerate. As for me, the day I allow a man to casually display his “manhood” outside and come home to climb on top of me, will be the day the Atlantic Ocean has dried. Those who tried it are not here to tell the tale.

Dear Friends, what type of matrix are we in, that a man, in a committed relationship can populate the earth as though he is Noah on assignment, and when he marries his decade-long girlfriend after publicly humiliating her, people exclaim #GOALS. Really what they seem to mean is “Let us sell our soul in peace, the man has money” Frankly, do you boo! However, may society learn to condemn what is wrong and praise what is right.

Finally, am I hating? Far from it. This is admiration for a fellow woman! What I DO deem hateful is to take comfort in another woman’s pain when you would not allow your own flesh and blood to go through that same embarrassment. Or would you? For a price?

A toast to our men breaking the narrative! I will soon marry one of y’all (**wink wink**) ~~~ PS: I am not the feminist type that dislikes marriage. I LOVE marriage. Just not as is. Lots of restructuring to do…

Love,

Liv